love it when kevin defunctland perjurer lulls you into a false sense of comfortable serious documentary when he drops an absolutely deadly one liner like "the wiggles empire"
This is terrible but today when I was playing volleyball outside with some friends one of their children (18 months) was sort of ambling around on his stumpy little toddler legs and so we were all trying to be careful and like not spike the ball onto the baby but then he wandered over to his father, who picked him up bc dad reflexes, and then the ball got passed over to the dad and he sort of had a no thoughts moment and instinctively used his child to smack the volleyball over to the next person. Like he just swung the kid and used his legs like a baseball bat. I'm never going to forget his face of premature regret mid baby-manuever right when he realized what he was doing AND the instant he realized his wife saw it happen. Anyway the baby was fine he didn't make contact with the ball all that hard and he was just mad his dad wouldn't use him as a club again but I had to sit down because I laughed so hard I cried.
which one of these "childhood activities" do you not know how to do?
ride a bike
jump/skip rope
hula hoop
whistle
cross the monkey bars
cartwheel
i cant/never did more than one of these (name which in the tags)
i can do all of these
you forgot one (name in the tags)
i'm helping out at a creative writing workshop for uhhh i think 10-12s? 10-14s? idk. but that age range. and anyways
a) i forgot how fun this is
b) it's really hard not to like, re-write for them and stick to just "hey add descriptions here, change this grammar, really cool ideas!" bc i'm an adult and not trying to talk over/railroad these kids, but i'm just so excited for their ideas!!!
c) little boys write cool stuff like "what if we went to mars but it sucked so we left, but left behind all our technology and the technology rose up and created its own society and then went to war with us for abandoning them? what if transformers had 100x the war crimes? what if the earth blew up. what if we were the robots all along?"
d) little girls out here writing like "aunt melanie's skin was sloughing off the bones as her beloved dogs tore her apart, turning on her in blind animal instinct. the second she stopped providing food, she became food." and a lot of body horror and dark themes about group pacts and betrayals and ritualistic murder/sacrifices. like a lot
there's a board filled with dozens and dozens of little construction paper thought bubbles that have some pretty generic plot points in them (what if there were aliens? what if you time travelled? what is true love? what if you could talk to animals? kinda stuff) and we encouraged them to write at least a paragraph for each one and not just pick the one that sounded coolest, just to see what sparks inspiration.
EVERY single little girl took the 'fall in love one' and did something unconventional with it.
some of them were stories about self-empowerment and falling in love with yourself, or falling in love with the mundane, life itself, a pet, a garden, a hobby, just loving being alive! (😭🥺🥰)
but a lot of them were deeply fucked up stories about like "what if you fall in love with a guy but he doesn't like you the same amount back, so you biopsy his liver (??) because you found an old polish love potion/spell, but it backfires like some kinda djinn wish and you actually mind control him and it takes you years to notice that you're whole love life has been a deception bc you accidentally turned on god mode without realizing it, and now you're questioning if you're even lovable at all bc this is the only person you've ever allowed to love you, and it wasn't even real, so now you're spiralling into a breakdown, but that old polish spell book you buried under a tree is whispering your name so you try to fix it and make everything worse?"
me, turning to the teacher who is also doing this: hey so, i'm personally really cool with the tone and direction these girls take, but is any of this? how you say... a red flag?
teacher: little girls have really rich inner lives to combat the way they're puppeted by society in real life. they'll learn to censor it out in a couple years, but it doesn't go away.
me, who was also a weird little girl who phased in and out of weirdness depending on social settings: nice.
Can't let British people have air conditioning because first they'd call it something twee like "the climate fixer" and then in 20 years they'll call it "the climb" or "the climmy"
French kids would call it "le climot", frustrating language officials who would prefer they call it "machine pour le contrôle du climat froide à l'interieure de l'édifice"
if you search a tag on someone's blog on the mobile app it will show you only a selection of posts in an inscrutably random order but if you go to a mobile browser and type [blog url].tumblr.com/tagged/[tag] you will get all posts on that blog with that tag in reverse chronological order. if you add /chrono behind it you get them in regular chronological order. naturally this works in desktop browsers too but i know many people are mobile only these days and the app's built in tag search is shit so this knowledge is vital to your survival
tell you what though it’s really really enjoyable when you feel your brain slipping towards increasingly detached fanonbrain interpretations of a character (because as much as i bitch about it i think we’re all susceptible to forgetting from time to time that the version of our blorbo who lives in our heads is filtered through layers of personal analysis and projection and sanding over certain fragments of personality for the sake of a gag or a good old fashioned whump rp) and you go back to the source material and you’re like ah!! THAT’S what my precious little guy is actually like!! it’s such a ludicrously satisfying and reinvigorating feeling. it’s like getting new glasses. replacing the broken screen protector on your phone. waking up after a cold and your nose is unblocked for the first time in a week. when you’ve done laundry and you put on your a list outfit for the first time in a hot minute. refamiliarising yourself with source material is a PLEASURE it’s like doing a factory reset on your blorbo thoughts and if you commit yourself to permanent and remorseless fanon brain you are missing out on a supreme brain-itching joy
Vivaldi on his deathbed in 1741: please, put it into my will that the first movement of my Spring concerto can only be used to indicate fancy settings in cartoons or as hold music for the absolute worst call centres.
Vivaldi's lawyer: Antonio what the FUCK does this mean







